Planning ahead to get ahead

[CKYshane]

Okay, a few people asked me about how to get good grades (and therefore a respectable GPA) with relatively no work (or, as I like to think of it, negative work) and without sleeping with the teacher. The only purpose, of course, is to have more time for paintball and paintball-related ventures.

Now, I'm going to have to go off my own experience. I have rarely cracked a book since, well, never. I've never studied for a test or exam for more than an hour. I've never gotten a semester grade lower than a B.

Some tips to get ahead:

MATH/SCIENCE CLASSES--You've got fancy TI-8X calculators, right? Use them. If you're allowed to have a calculator, you're allowed to have all your notes during the test. Simply create a new program, edit it, and insert all the formulas/info you need. The program won't run correctly, but all you have to do is edit it again and you'll get to see your formulas. VERY useful for Physics/Trig (identities? we don't need no stinkin' identities.) Be warned: if you're not allowed to use your calculator, you will have to memorize. Don't want to take the risk? Ask your teacher ahead of time.

ENGLISH--Poetry analysis is hard. Memorizing literary terms or understanding the plots of boring-*** novels is difficult. Get Cliff's Notes for novels. Use www.shakespeare-online.com for Shakespeare stuff. If you have to write a paper, look at someone else's paper and then use the ideas. DON'T COPY IT, USE IT AS INSPIRATION. Always make your grammar perfect, especially if the grammar grade is weighted equally.

HISTORY--Good luck.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE--Take first year, sleep through class, and drop it the year after. Take another first year language every year.

In general: sleep through class, don't take notes, and use test-taking strategies to answer questions on tests. BS through essays because essays suck.

[Cadet2005]

Wow, I pray you don't do that in college..."good" tips for high school (which is a self-esteem builder not a serious installation of education) but pull that in college and the teach will wipe the floor with your butt. But again, perhaps "good" advice for high school.

[CKYshane]

Yea, I hope I don't sleep through class in college. If I sleep through class, that means I bothered showing up. College will be a breeze--anyone who says otherwise hasn't caught on the top of the class and the bottom of the class get the same diploma.

Regardless, people asked me how to get their grades up so they could play more. This is my solution.

[Cadet2005]

Wow, have you ever been to a REAL college class? I mean upper level say history, English, Sociology, Theology, anything of that sort? Because you will learn real quick that if you don't show up, you fail and if you don't particpate, you fail...in every one of my classes minus one (which is a freshman level I missed because I opted for an upper level history course) participation counts enarly a third to half my grade...I am entitled three abscences...now, if you can sleep through that, I am amazed because then you would have to have the teacher who is blind and dumb.

[CKYshane]

You go to a service academy. In a "real" college class, professors don't care if you show up. They don't care if you pass or fail. All they care about is that you show up for the exam--and if you don't, they'll fail you without a second glance.

Your "college" professors care more about their students than my high school teachers. Do you think that's the norm?

[Ice]

your calculator idea is the most brillant idea ever...now all I need to worry about is foreign language...

[itches and os]

Man dat planll just make ur folks blow more money So that money could be well spent on paintball. Instead you messed up in school.

[FrOnTMaN]

and take a look at this testimonial of the CKYshane plan!

[CKYshane]

That's hilarious. Here's the real results:

http://www.infantryevolution.com/shane/myway.gif

Notice the elite photoshop skills and all the free time I had to make that from scratch? Nevermind the money required to buy Photoshop and a computer capable of running it? Have fun bumming rides to work, losers.

[Cadet2005]

CKYShane, I DO NOT go to a service academy. If I did, I probably wouldn't be posting in here because my time would be limited extremely. I have attended to colleges: The University of Pittsburgh and Texas Lutheran University. At Pitt, a large Division One school, if you didn't show up on recitation days you were screwed if you missed a few. At TLU, you miss three, your are really dead...To give anyone a contrast: Pitt my smallest class was about 75 (no recitations or anything)...at TLU, my biggest is 24. Gotta love private universities.

[LJavelle]

I had the 3 absence limit at the University of Rhode Island for most of my classes.

[mistersuperfly]

Originally posted by LJavelle
I had the 3 absence limit at the University of Rhode Island for most of my classes.

Jeez, that would have sucked for most of my friends. I didn't have an absentee limit, the professors either didn't notice you were ever there to begin with or didn't care. One of my friends went to the first day of his Adv. Algebra class, skipped everyday but the exam and aced the class... I went to about half of them and aced it.

[LJavelle]

Freshmen year so most of the classes were general education(writing, algebra, etc) and orientation. My classes that took place in lecture halls usually had a lab class accompanying it(grades from both classes get added together), miss labs and you fail the lecture too.

[CKYshane]

Seriously, I'd much rather go to a school that treats me like an adult. As an American, I have the right to cause myself to fail.

[TOWCHBob]

I don't know about youy but my math teacher deletes all the calculators programs before tests.

[TeamBlackHawk]

When you get to be a Freshman, pick 3 study halls :D the least S.S. you can do.. and do what CKY said about french/spainsh w/e

[CKYshane]

Archive your programs and give them names that sound like games... or other classes. For example, my physics formulae are stored in a program called "Stat" which, when run, generates a random insult from a list of 40. This means it takes like 20 seconds to scroll down to the actual formulas--what teacher wants to do that?

[llSmithll]

i was halfway to posting 'Enjoy your McJob' damn you Frontman, you beat me to it

[Punchcard]

Originally posted by CKYshane
College will be a breeze--anyone who says otherwise hasn't caught on the top of the class and the bottom of the class get the same diploma.


You bet. And when you go for that first job interview you can either have under your education heading:

Bachelors in whatever of University of Wherever

Or

Bachelors in whatever of University of Wherever. Cumulative GPA: 3.9

You would be surprised how quickly that translates into actual money

And that "skirting by with the least real effort possible" attitude will serve you well when you start your career. It is amazing how fast "slacker who doesn't know anything" can be comunicated you your coworkers and supervisors.