The *new* Newbie Thread

[Tower3003]

What is the funniest, best, most pathetic, thing you have ever seen a newbie do? I know there's already a few threads like this, but why not start another? Anyway, here's my story:

I was having a small game of back-yard paintball, and most of the people left, and there was five of us. All of us had entry level markers, Tippmanns, Spyders, just to name a few. But this one kid...he had a $12 plastic pump. We decided to play a seige-type game, 3 attackers vs. 2 defenders. Since he was to be a defender, he didn't want to use his pump, and becuase it was his first time playing-his freind loaned him his Tippmann98. Now this kid had never used a semi-auto before. He was a trigger happy newbie, an accident waiting to happen. Well, on the way down the hill (were we played seige games), he stopped and looked around, to get a feel for the area. My team kept walking down. Suddenly we hear "AHHH!". Some how the kid managed to shoot himself in the foot. We asked him how he managed to pull off such a stupid act of insanity, the safety was on after all. He still not sure to this day. Don't ask me why he
un-safetyed the marker, or why he he pulled the trigger, he's just that dumb. Fortunatly he fine, and he'll learn to take full advantige of the saftey from now on.

[TRTChaoS]

lol

[AllOleander]

I've seen a dad that was playing paintball w/ his son at the local field..he had in his barrel plug while everyone else was chronoing..anyway he had his gun agianst his chest..i was choroning my gun w/ the refs and then i hear a pop...then an "OW DAD YOU IDIOT" i turn around along w/ the refs and it turns out the dad had pulled teh trigger w/ the plug in and it shot teh plug out and hit the son in the back of the head!! LOL then hte kidcalled his dad an idiot and im sure that that damm newbie dad was embarrast

LOL

[Tower3003]

I would kick my dads arse. Thats the funniest thing iv'e ever heard, well besides this new poll in the General Paintball fourm. This newbie wants some professinal advice for maintaing his talon: read it! READ IT NOW! (Its called
"Marker troubles, what to do?")

[AllOleander]

ill go look for it ;)

[Tower3003]

darn, I think the moderators took it off, it was hilarious. The person was probly jusr mocking newbies who think they're really smart, but still...It was awsome, those moderators don't realize what they've done.

[AllOleander]

haha i have a couple stingrays that my bro bought at walmart for 20 bucks..and he broke a ball in the barrel..and hes like..how do i fix it.

so i get allin keys, screw drivers.. and look at the gun.

OMG!! all you have to do is push these screw type bars and the barrel comes out..! THEY DONT SCREW, THEY JUST PUSH OUT!! LOL well anyway i just put the gun under hot water (LOL) you cant do this w/ any other gun besides the brass eagle guns lol!!

anyway it worked, and the gun still worked just as sh|tty as it did before :D

[Tower3003]

Thats BE for ya. Sill, they intoduce alot of people to the game, so I'm not against them.

[M98/Spyder]

I saw a kid hidin behind a tree once well him and another kid with just under a year were playing. the kid behind the trees hopper fell off his barrowed stingray, he bent down to pick it up, the next couple sounds you here "POW, WHAP. AAAAHHHHHH, dropping paintballs, 'Alright i shot him right in the @$$" It was funny.
ANother time some kid heard on guy on our team run out of air charged around the coner right into my line of fire with my spdyer, he wore several sweatshirts so i had to shoot him 11 times before one broke.

Friendly Fire is always funny to.
Dont forget porrly made plansfalling apart and spending all day on building abucker only to find out its a death trap.

[w00twoot]

i made a newbi cry because i shot them in the head hey check out my ****ty site http://www.hometown.aol.com/w00tw0ot/Default.html
if you need art work for your site you came to the right person i make custom art work for dirt cheap!

[Super Nick]

I played with a bunch of about 14 newbies and one experienced player once. I got out four times while playing about 4 hours. The only thing was I was hit twice by my own teamates, and once by someone from the other team after he was already out.

[phatboy]

Once we were playing this game at a rec field that involved a barn and holding it for the last minute of the game. Okay so I was in this sweet bunker right out front of the barn on my teams side, and I had the barn emptied out and nobody could get in because i could see both entrances. Well the game turned out to be a no elimination game, and all you had to do was call yourself out and run back to where you started then you were back in. So anyways I was holding this bunker and this barn, when all of a sudden some newbie starts running around behind me and firing, i feel about 6 hit my back from him, and he was like 4 feet away, in the bunker behind me practically. Then a ref saw it and made me go back to start and begin again. But I got my good laugh when someone moved up to the barn, then to the other side of my bunker, shot the two people on each side of the friendly fire guy, then bunkered him. He had everyone out but me, and he ran back to where I was standing, and just winked and pointed. I laughed so hard after that game. Eventhough we lost.

[Tower3003]

newbies: Is there anything they haven't done?



(freindly fire sucks)

[JesterDude15]

I was playing a woods game and I walked by this tree and all of a sudden I hear a KLUNK! And I looked back and this kis fell out of a tree! LOL! I shot him and continued.

[harrysacks]

Originally posted by AllOleander
I've seen a dad that was playing paintball w/ his son at the local field..he had in his barrel plug while everyone else was chronoing..anyway he had his gun agianst his chest..i was choroning my gun w/ the refs and then i hear a pop...then an "OW DAD YOU IDIOT" i turn around along w/ the refs and it turns out the dad had pulled teh trigger w/ the plug in and it shot teh plug out and hit the son in the back of the head!! LOL then hte kidcalled his dad an idiot and im sure that that damm newbie dad was embarrast

LOL
my friends dad is gonna come play with us for the first on saturday. he's gonna have to use my friends old stingray. he thinks he's gonna kickass but im gonna laugh when he gets his *** kicked

[AllOleander]

yah, my dad was in the army and in nam and he thought he cuold rock me up..hah..i showed him up when i gogged him

[DontKillWhitey]

LoL.the.dude.me.and.Harry.are.gonna.play.w/.on.Sat.was.in,the.too.He.thinks.he.******.Im.feal ing.a.bunker.

[harrysacks]

oooohhhh, he was in the army, so he's gonna woop everyone down, him and his used stingray

[DontKillWhitey]

HAHHA.ima.try.to.bunker.him.so.hard.its.not.gonna. be.funny!

[recballer]

so we were all fairly new to the game and we were playing 2 0n 2. the kid on my team was hiding in a tree (dont ask) and the other two were advancing where he was facing. we exchanged shots and all i see are pballs flying and i hear "AAAAHHHHWWWWWAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" the tree kid got shot in the nuts and the kid that shot him was like "i was aiming for youre head" my freind was like "which head jeff!?!?!?!"
lol
later on we were sittin around talkin about the games and jeff was making fun of my freind who got shot in the nads. right then he shot himself in the foot and we lit him up for it. lol

[DontKillWhitey]

UMM.why.did.u.light.him.up?For.being.clumsy?Thats. not.somthing.a.freind.would.do.Sure.make.fun.of.hi m.for.it.laugh.at.him.and.call.him.a.*******.but.d ont.freakin.shoot.him.up.for.it.

[recballer]

well sorry i was exaggerating, we didnt lite him up.....the angry kid who got his nuts shot did. and from about 5 feet away. he took about 5 or so shots at him, and hit him all 5(youd hope so)

[BOBO2]

Adult newbies...

We were playing and this guy goes out there in a wife beater and shorts with a spyder one thinking he tough ****. Later in the game this guy comes out into a wide open space in our base with 5 guys defending, we yell "are you on red team" he says "nooo" we say " are you out", "nooo" we say "then do you surrender' , "nooo" so all 5 of us lit his *** up hith about 60-70 paint balls all hits. The guy was in so much pain he sat out the rest of the 6 1/2 hours we were playing.

[Knux68]

Yeh in a few days, im playin against my uncle who's a cop. He thinks he can kick my butt, but ive played paintball more times than he has. He just thinks he can beat me cuz he owns a real gun.

-Knux will tell the story when he comes back

[DontKillWhitey]

GOO.KNUX!!!

[JesterDude15]

Originally posted by Knux68
Yeh in a few days, im playin against my uncle who's a cop. He thinks he can kick my butt, but ive played paintball more times than he has. He just thinks he can beat me cuz he owns a real gun.

-Knux will tell the story when he comes back

He Will....Trust ;)

[Knux68]

Well, im here, typing on a laptop. Im goin to play at this place http://www.gzpaintball.com Not what im used to. Im used to speedball fields and indoor places. ah well.
I think im goin tomorrow.

-Knux cant wait to use his new impy

[Tower3003]

Newbies tend to mistreat their markers. A freind on mine the other day left his Tippmann98 out side at night, and it rained. However, being a Tippmann, he just need a little drying off and then it fired fine.

[strongboy2005]

that barrel plug story is one of the funniest i've ever heard

[SH4YD33]

i've seen a bunker with 13 newbies behind it the bunker was only like.. 5 feet tall and 12 feet long.. i'm guessing the width and length. but i counted.. yes i had time to count lol. i shot 4 of them and my team mates shot the rest

[AllOleander]

Hey shadee..i found an error in your sig :D

" .. A Autococker "

Should be " .. An Autococker "

:)

[LeThaLsNiPa]

Ok well my friends were goin to a field fairly far away for a bday thingy. well n e way we were playin attack/defend type game and one boy went up to scout where the attackers were.he started to take heavy fire so he moved back to our base. but he was running very hard so my retarded friend(not literally)aimed up and gogged him...the boy didnt even know what hit him..he called him an idiot for weeks. also during speedball he shot the ref who was also the field owner and was pissed. n e way he was like WHO SHOT ME?!?! and no one told him who it was and he never found out it was my friend cause he would have been in deep shiot.Also I hate rick newbies...I saw a 11yr old with a micro cocker and stayed in the back the whole frikin game.

[AngrySloth]

Last weekend I was playing with some friends. My friend Ooter's Tippmann broke down, so I loaned him my old Stingray that I keep as backup. (BTW, those POS's are LOUD!) Anyway, it's the last game of the day and me, Ooter, and my other friend Tim are just wandering our way through the field doing nothing in particular when we spy a little newb about 20 yards away. The other kid sees us and takes off runnin. Tim yells, "Go hunt him down Ooter!" Ooter takes off screamin like he's Tarzan or sumthin. He chases the other kid across half the field, all the while the other kid is yelling for help, and Ooter lights up his *** with the Stingray. It was the most hilarious thing I'd ever seen, I wish I'd had a video camera. I would pay money to see it again.

[forsaken502]

Originally posted by AllOleander
I've seen a dad that was playing paintball w/ his son at the local field..he had in his barrel plug while everyone else was chronoing..anyway he had his gun agianst his chest..i was choroning my gun w/ the refs and then i hear a pop...then an "OW DAD YOU IDIOT" i turn around along w/ the refs and it turns out the dad had pulled teh trigger w/ the plug in and it shot teh plug out and hit the son in the back of the head!! LOL then hte kidcalled his dad an idiot and im sure that that damm newbie dad was embarrast

LOL

LOL, me and my dad are going to the field sometime soon to play! it's his first time too!

Me and my dad have a good relationship and I think he'll do allright, as long as he stays w/ me! (yeah...right LOL)

[iwantamag]

i went paintballing took and took a friend. it was his first time. when the game started (in tha woodsball) he started shooting (i don't know what or why i thought it was a rabbit) so i came around one side and shot-they bounced :mad: then i went to the other side shot bounced again! :pissed: (found out a had a velocity drop down to 107fps for some reason) then he used all his paint and kept shooting (where i was not and never was) and then his gun (rental) jammed. later he said "i thought i saw movement"

[AngrySloth]

The first and only time my little brother went paintballing he rented a Spyder. After the first game he was like, "I shot all these people from like a hundred yards away!" I pointed out to him the fact that you aren't gonna hit anyone from a hundred yards away, and that his safety was on the whole game. :laugh:

[ciaran.mooney]

Originally posted by AngrySloth
The first and only time my little went paintballing he rented a Spyder. After the first game he was like, "I shot all these people from like a hundred yards away!" I pointed out to him the fact that you aren't gonna hit anyone from a hundred yards away, and that his safety was on the whole game. :laugh:

Ive kinda done that, in my newbie days, started the game with a tippman with safety on (always put it on when I get it just so I dont accidently shoot anyone). The game started and i was like one of the first people to a decent bunker, got there, went to shoot, obviously couldnt cos i left the safety on. And being the berk that I was sat there with my head above the bunker looking at my tippman trying to get the safety off!! My did I have a head ache after that, thing is head shots didnt count! So I had to stay in the game!!

[Jackel]

We were out playing and this line of newbies charged out of the forest and into an open field. It was a 6 vs 15 or something and like ten guys charged with dude with an Angel who just stared at them. He just stared at them. He turned to me and gave me a, "What the heck" look, shrugged and pulled up his gun and unloaded on them, taking them all down.

Another thing was that I saw this guy trying to stuff the CO2 tank into the hopper thingy and was ansking why it didn't fit.

[Paint Bulley]

How could you forget to turn you safety off? jk.

I sometimes uncock my gun after guns. And one time this guy ran right in front of me in plain view so I bring my spyder up and click click click (what the F)

Oh yeah, forgot to cock it.

[Special_K]

Hey Tower3003. I've been playing paintballs for almost 4 years now. I bought an eclipse trigger for my Impulse, and had it adjusted to be lighter than a Bushie. I was so used to my Black Magic and Shuter that when I was running with my hand on the trigger, I shot myself in the foot like nine time when I hit a bump. I feel like a newbie. LMAO.

[mamasboy99]

i was at a field one time in st.auggie and there was this dad of osome guy who was a newb and he was runnin around on the wet feld with a rental gun and slipped and fell all his paintball feell out all over him and he crushed it on the gournd the he accidentally(dunno how) shot himself in the foot. i was like" wat a tard."

[Z3R0C00L]

okay, we were playing at a local feild, and out of nowhere this old grampa guy shows up, alirght he has never played before, so he rents his stuff and goes through the breifing, he takes off his heavy jacket and under it he was wearing this florecent yellow shirt, the reff blows the whistel and the game starts, because it was recball i didnt wanna take to much ground off the break so i wouldnt get shot by my teammates so i decided to sweet spot, this old fat guy just walks strait up the center to the 50 yard line, i musta wasted a hopper on this guy he was like a bright yellow elephant walking down the field absalutely noone could shoot him they would all like miss him like he had a force field around him. it was great! we just have this old fat guy walk to the 50 off the break...i was laughing during the whole time i was sweet spotting.

then there was another time, i get to the field early just to unpack all my stuff. and this radio station was at the field, they got a rental gun and like 500 rounds and they had my friend richi and i hold those small yellow reff shield while they drive by in these like SUV's and try and hit the yellow thing, well it turns out richi gets shot in his nuts by one of the drive by's, so i drop my shield and go hide behind a bunker, cause there is no way in hell i am getting shot in my nuts, so after that richi takes the rental gun and goes out on the field and bunkers me it was funny as hell, its the kinda thing where u have to be there for it to be funny.

[splatmaster210]

ok, this kidd at my school just got his paintball gun and had never played before along with some other kidds. I invited them to play on this 10acre field . Me and my friend played like 7 other newbie's, anyways this newbie spotted me and unloaded around 400+ paintballs at me while i sat cross leged behind a tree, after the kidd was out of paint i took like 5 shots and gogged him !!!lol lol lol !! that was the most stupid thing i ever seen a newbie do.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: By the way we kicked there asses to the point that it wasent even funny:eek: :eek:

[Intimidation]

My cousin,having had his gun (a BE Blade) for about a week and a half,was out shooting targets with me in my grandparants.He was reloading,but the gun was already cocked and had air in it.The safety was also off.Neither of us had masks on.He had his finger on the trigger the whole time it was pointed at my face.He squeezed the trigger,but the standard BE trigger pull saved my life.


My other story takes place yesterday.It was my first day,and I discovered my bad habit.I would take off my safety when the game started,put it on when he counted down,then somehow remember to put it on then off whenever I would go to shoot someone.